I can feel myself slipping…falling way down…down where no one can reach me…I don’t think I want anyone to this time…let me slip away…out of everyone’s reach…forever…

I haven’t felt like this in a long time!  I almost forgot what it felt like to be treated like a person and not a piece of property.  He surprises me everyday with something that just takes me breath away and leaves me speechless.  I really hope this feeling doesn’t go away…I deserve this!  Maybe God has answered my prayers, who knows.  But for now, I’m enjoying it and praying it doesn’t go away

I couldn’t get the video to post, so here’s the link to “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0hvOdYVTG0

God Bless you all *hugs*

~*~TONYA~*~

So, a good friend of mine on IRC shared this video with me today. Some people are just lacking common sense…lol. DumDums I swear! Enjoy!

Are you kidding me…do they not know that it’s the sun rays bouncin’ off the water that creates rainbows??  OK, so John, I’m gonna steal some of your YAY’s…lol.  Yay for stupid people!  Yay for no common sense!  Yay for College! 

God Bless *hugs*

~*~Tonya~*~

In the words of my friend Tom “if u feel numb, how do u really know ur numb?”  In the dictionary numb is defined as this:

numb

/n?m/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[nuhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective -er, -est, verb –adjective

As you can see, I most likely fall into #3.  I just dunno how to feel right now.  I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for the past 4 days now…no sleep, barely eating, drinking more than usual, crying, cursing, screaming, throwing things…it’s been a mess.  Now I’m just numb.

So, this Stumble Upon website it awesome! I found a Lite-Brite site on there…YAY FOR LITE-BRITES! roflmao I found these weird facts just now…they make you think and thought I would share them with everyone. ENJOY!

Weird Thoughts 24

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. Wouldnt a good response be to write . . . A Good Doctor!

God Bless *hugs*

Tonya

So, I got bored…lol. Was checkin’ out this site on a website that my good friend John invited me to, stumbleupon.com. Some of the sites are pretty interesting and fun.

Tonya took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! “Suffering from the effects of those things which a…” Click here to read the rest of the results.

God Bless and love to all *hugs*

Tonya

God’s Crayons

A young man almost three,
Sat upon his mothers knee,
With crayons in his hand,
His masterpiece he planned.

Never dropping his gaze,
Like a mesmerizing daze,
Staring at the splendid hue,
God-has crayons too.

by Georgie M. Kusak

I just thought this was a really cute poem and wanted to share it with everyone. God Bless and love you all *hugs*

~*~Tonya~*~

“One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.” The Lord replied, “My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I Carried You.”

I’ve heard and read this many times. It seems tonight that this actually spoke to me and sunk in for the first time in my life. You all know about the trials and suffering that I have been and gone through. For once in my life, I actually am letting God and Jesus take over. It’s time for me to let them do whatever it is that they have planned for me. No more questioning their reasoning, well I’m gonna try my best not to, no one is perfect. It’s my turn to serve them however it is they seem fit.

I want to thank all my friends on 247NET that have been helping me and guiding me in the right direction. One man in particular, John: thank you for helping me open up my eyes for once. I think I’ve been living life with my eyes closed. You have been trying to give me this boost the entire time, and now I see it, I really and truly do SEE IT! Mels: you are awesome! You’ve been my rock and my right hand woman. We seem to have a way to keep each other on track. Ryan: we’ve only really started talking and getting to know each other the past month or two, but you have been a great friend as well. Also, giving me that little extra push into the right direction. And all the rest of you on the server…you are all awesome, and I’m glad that I decided to stick around *hugs*

To my friends outside of 247NET…Linnie: we’ve been friends for 3 years now, and I almost lost you once. I’m glad that you are still continuing to be here for me and guide me in the right direction as well. I love you like you’re family, a big brother, even though we’ve never had the chance to meet. Taryn: I LOVE YOU! You have been so strong and even stronger for me when I need you to be. I dunno how I went my entire life without you.

To any of those that I have forgotten…I THANK YOU ALL!

And the last, but the most important: I want to thank God and Jesus Christ for dealing with my stubborn butt. I will do my best and put in more effort to live by your way and let you guide me to where I need to be.

God Bless you all! *hugs*

~*~Tonya~*~

Just in one of those moods today…not sure if I’m happy or sad, angry or depressed. Just one of those days that I can’t sort through all of my feelings and emotions. I feel lots of pain, but at the same time feel just fine and overjoyed…blah. It’s just one of those days where I just put my hands up in the air and just let it flow whatever way it needs to.

I’m tired of finding all the wrong men…do I not deserve to be happy as well? I want to be happy with that certain someone, like all of my friends around me are. Am I just too picky? Am I just meant to be alone for the rest of my life? I ask myself these questions on a daily basis…

I feel so alone, but I know that I never am. Between all my friends, and the one person that means all G-O-D. I’ve been veering away from Him again, tryin’ to get back on track. Not workin’ very well…but I am tryin’ the best that I can.

On another note…I’m not moving to Tennessee now. Change of plans, since I am not going to be able to afford the move. Mom is giving me her place when she leaves It’s cheap and I don’t have to worry about a credit check. With utilities, lot rent, cell bill and net bill it’s around $400 a month and when I get the car that too. But it’s not too bad if you really look at it and know my situation.

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers if you would…I will find my way eventually. *hugs*

“All These Things I Hate” by Bullet For My Valentine

Just wanted to share this song with those of you that haven’t heard it. One of my faves and kinda relates to my life. Enjoy!

“Pocketful of Sunshine” by Natasha Bedingfield

mVids - Natasha Bedingfield “Pocket Sunshine”